Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
