Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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