I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
