i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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