nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
