I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
