i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
