This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
