I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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