I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
