You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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