i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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