I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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