i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
