He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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