so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
