i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
