i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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