so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
