I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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