Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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