Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
