My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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