She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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