I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
