How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
