whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's the barista slut.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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