Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
