mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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