he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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