I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
