Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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