a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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