Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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