My room smells like vodka and shame
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
