me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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