Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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