This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
