does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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