It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
