I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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