you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hippo gnu deer
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
