Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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