You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
