The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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