I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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