Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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