If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
