This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
