Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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