The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
