my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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